Our New Place

We are really enjoying were we are at now. We didn't move too far, but are renting a sweet little house, with a closed off yard, garden spots and lots of trees.

This area of Logan has many post-war homes and our little place is among them. We've been here since mid-October and still haven't officially met our neighbors. We are hoping that we get a chance this week, before we head out of town. Did I mention we'll be spending some time in St. George and Vegas soon? We're stoked! We are going to go see my Aunt & Uncle, Kingston & Hoku's cousin doggies, and go watch The Lion King with my cousin! Then we'll of course head North again to see our families for Christmas. We haven't been on a trip that long with our doggies yet and I hope they enjoy it. We love having them with us…when they aren't we're constantly wondering how they are doing. What a WONDERFUL trip this will be!!

USU is having a Biggest Looser competition and you have to apply to be accepted…and it's official…EMIL AND I WERE ACCEPTED!!! WAHOO!! We are incredibly excited! Out of all the applicants only 20 are allowed to compete! It starts in January and ends in March, and we are REALLY determined to win!! Wish us luck!

Since we will be gone until January, we'd like to shout out to all of you, our dear friends and family! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, or just enjoy some time off this December!!!

Trying SOMEthing new...

i Am wRitiNg my pOst in miCrosoFt woRd. In my class Computer Literacy, I learnedhow to post here And make it FUN! School is goodforsomething!!haha!

SO speaking ofschool i've been studying ALL day! serious. since 2:00p.m.UGH. i am getting a lot done. i really do enjoy school, it's tough but i'm really looking forward to what is to come of it all. i have a STRONG desire to be a nurse! this is what i want to do. but i want other things too. for now school is what i should be doing. it sure feels good to have direction
in my studies and what it is i need to do, and to be DOing iT. ya know? things keep working out too... i depend so much on prayer and putting HIM first. i'm not the greatest at it, but when i do my best to depend on Him, i see results that i know i could NOT have had any other way. this goes for everything in my life, not just school.

i better get back to the books...SAD! it's 1:00a.m.!! hopefully i can go to bed before i have to go to work...

p.s. check this out. introducing: India Arie. she's a musician i really enjoy. she's been keeping my company as i study ANDreally knows how to WRiTE.

YouTube - India.Arie - Video

Happy Thanksgiving!

We have finals that are invading our house. Can't they just leave us alone!? Well, no. They can't. THE END.

Apparently, we will be having Thanksgiving on our own this year. But then we get to spend time with Emil's family Saturday and I really am looking forward to that! I also appreciate them doing Thanksgiving late for us, not a lot of families would do that so willingly. Thanks ya'll!! :)

We are busy, as most people are. We are doing the best we can, as most people do. But sometimes I think am capable of doing MORE. I am my own worst critic. But I'm right. I can do more. But I don't. I think I know what it is that will kick my laziness in the "top of my legs"...it's just the doing part. I have the desire..now I just need to use the tools I have!

Dear Emil, thank you. Thank you for raking, doing dishes, deep cleaning our hardwood floors, and spending most of your Saturday working on our house while I studied. It means so much that you are willing. Willing to forget what you want to do, and do what needs to be done. And that you love you me enough to put up with my...weakness. Sure love you. ~me

I am thankful for many things, even if I don't post it on my blog..*ehem*. But I will mention 2 things to keep it simple.

I am thankful for my little family: My angel. My husband. My dogs & cat. I really love them.
I am thankful the kind of person I am. I am weak but there's more too me because of this. All in all, I've accepted the fact that I'm not too bad after all is said and done.

I hope that I will give more thanks, and eat less food this Thanksgiving. So here's to hoping!

Yes I do!

I've been listening to Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid (Broadway versions) music. I've thoroughly enjoyed it. I mean, I've really had good fun with it! Music really does something soothing to my heart. Literally, it's physical just as much as it is inspirational. I enjoy singing along...oh YES I DO! As well as some dancing...bow-chi-ka-bow-OW...OH YES. Mind you that these dancing moves will NEVER be shown out loud. NEVER. So just forget all your dreams of watching my fabulous moves cause there ain't NONE where that came from!

Has music ever done that for you? I mean REALLY lifted your spirits, made you laugh, cry, and sing along with out you even knowing it? I'm thankful it's done that for me. I'm thankful I know a tinsy bit about how to love music and use the very small but not insignificant talents I've been given that relate to it.
I really enjoy the words around the word music in this art work, and must say that this picture is quite poetically done! So much meaning in it! YUM. One of my favorites is "Music, the beautiful disturber of air."

Sometimes when I listen, sing or dance to music I just feel like nothing can touch me. No one can hurt me. That I can do anything. It really takes me places and helps me appreciate more, and complain less. It makes me SO happy, even if I cry. Best part about music is it is never ending. There is always a new way to write it, play it, and jam with it. Wow, it's beautiful!

Tears

I miss Naimah a LOT today. I miss this...

I ache do to this again.

I would LOVE to see these two with each other..she sucked Emil's lip a lot haha!

The tears are just flowing today. I am home doing homework trying so hard to focus. But here I am.

I want to THANK YOU. ALL my wonderful friends and family, and passerbys, for your kind words and support. Each time I post about my baby girl, I get a comment or 7 ;) that really encourage me and lift me up. I feel so blessed! So incredibly blessed to have people around me that care and pray for me still!

You may already know this but, please keep in mind that my sorrow does NOT mean I have lost faith. I hope that you don't misunderstand these posts of pain and sorrow and think that I need to just get over it or that we should be ready for more children by now, or something like that. I hope that you know I am happy. I hope that you see I am LIVING. I'm putting this out there because I have been told this and many other hurtful things by those who care very much for me, but it does not help me. Maybe it helps others, but I am not among them. It makes me feel alone. It makes me feel that even those that love me very much have forgotten that I am a slow healer. I may not cry everyday as I did once, but my heart is the same heart that watched my first child die in my arms. It was more than very painful. It broke my heart. My heart is still mending, 2 years later. Because of my Faith in what life is yet to come, and my Redeemer, I also felt great joy that will last my whole life. I don't think I will ever stop writing about my little Naiya. Ever. I will always be remembering.

I also remember the Angel's near us at that time, AND since. The way it felt to be surrounded by them! It was immaculate. I know that a beautiful day will come. It seems far, but not so far. I do not dwell on that day, but I chose to live in each day as it is given to me. I look forward to that day as I make different choices now, waiting for something better later.

One of those choices happened on August 9th 2007. We were asked by the doctors to make the choice of leaving Naimah on or taking her off life support. Because of the circumstances there was little time to decide. We didn't want to make that choice. We just broke down and wept. Wept profusely. We couldn't think. We got on our knees and wept more. No words came. Finally we muttered a few things and got up from our knees. As we looked at each other, we both felt Naimah. We knew what it was she wanted. We didn't feel we could bare it, but we felt a simple smile from our baby...who now seemed to be the grown up. And we listened. Finding her in her little bed in the early hours the day before seemed so unreal, it still does. We just couldn't believe it but we did the best we could with what we had, and still do.

I will have many more tearful days. Tears for Naimah, tears for myself. Tears for friends, family, AND strangers. Tears that, I have EXPERIENCED, can ONLY be wiped away by the very hand that was pierced for me. For all of us.

Happy Halloween...

I was a biker chic for my work Halloween Party...

We trimed Emil's hair and this is what happened...

Emil Karaoke-rockin'-it with our friends tonight!

We are PUNKS.

In another life, I might just look like this...

We had fun! Now for wiping off ALL our make-up and getting comfortable! :)

This is a...

Farewell to our condo! As of this past Thursday we sold it and are no longer home owners! We are sad to leave LONG life friends and our neighbors. But it is a RELIEF to have such a heavy burden lifted after 3 years. We learned a lot about how much we didn't know going into it, but it's been for our own good to have this experience. Many wonderful things have happened to us in this home...one of the most important to us thus far is our little baby girl, and all that we saw, felt, and grew from in loosing her. However, it was time for us to move. And we are feeling good about it!

We will post pictures of our new place soon. We are renting a very charming little home in Logan closer to USU. The doggies have a yard! THEY LOVE IT, and so do we! It's all so new still but feels like home. My work hours were cut A LOT and what a blessing it is to be living where we do now. Some positive things will come of it though. It's going to be a great challenge and plans we had will have to change.. :( BUT, it will be okay. Somehow...

While we cleaned up the condo for our buyers, Emil wrote my a cute note...

Hmmm, I DO love me a POLY! :)

Shu fly don't bother ME!

Well I'm trying NOT to be this way, but I feel incredibly bizzle!! I work 9-5 and go straight to school. Have class until 9 or 10p.m., get home do homework, and then try to pack up boxes with Emil for a bit, and CRASH. Then I get to bed and wake up around 5a.m. (or earlier) and do more homework. Both Emil and I have keep this schedule since he got back from Israel...that is a post for him to make not I... We are busy, but not too busy for each other. We make that time, even if it's 5 minutes. We make that time to focus on nothing else but each other. Our sweet doggies go on morning walks with us and that's about it until the weekend...we throw stuff around in the house for them to play with but the poor things! They are copping with our schedules alright, but it makes them tired so that's good! We also try to take some personal time in the mornings and somehow...we get what we need done. Weekends are even more packed with the things to do for packing up boxes and throwing junk away. We hope to be moving soon...but we'll see! I feel like I'm being helped sooo much with school. I've always struggled with school. My drug calculations class is very hard. Keeping up on having a test every class period is new for me. I have goals that I want to keep and I really have no other way to do it but with this schedule 6 days a week..somehow it's coming together...but there is more to come.

I must do my work not just have faith that I'll pass classes...and I'm doing the best with what I have to work with. I hope it is enough... However, I've experienced things that have taught me that somehow, we have even more than we know. Sometimes it may feel like we aren't ready for that knowledge. But there it is anyway.

I'm so thankful for prayer. So thankful for who I've become.

I don't mean to have disappeared. I don't mean to be sooo absent. I am just FOCUSED. And I'm trying to make it a new habit! Even then I feel that my slack is being picked up by an unseen, but very real force. I'm glad to feel it with me. And so starts another busy day!!

Happy Birthday to me!

Well.....I'm officially 26!!! YAY!!!

Do you feel like this too?

Lots to do at home?

Piles of business to take care of at work?

Even more to do at school?


This about sums up my stress levels, not to mention:
Cars duties, animals, being a wife, church callings, family things, books I'd like to read, cooking meals, and a little bit of NOTHING every once and a bit. SIGH.

The last bit...

So Emil and I celebrated our 3rd Wedding Anniversary on Aug. 16. A few weeks before that, we talked about what we might do. We couldn't think of much...but I did tell Emil to just think of something that we could do to get away for a bit. I told him how much I like surprises and and he offered to do the planning. We wanted to celebrate it instead of be at home--since that day is also a VERY difficult reminder of burying Naimah... So on the 15th, Emil called me from work and said to pack an overnight bag and that he'd taken care of dinner. I LOVE surprises, as he well knows, so I was all giddy the rest of the day. We went to eat at La Nonne, the best ever Italian food I've EVER had!!! We ate outside under trees and the sun setting...very romantic. =) Afterwords we took a walk. The weather was perfect and soon we wanted to stop somewhere for a bit. We tried to find a place that was open and I noticed this renovated home that looked opened. As we got closer I noticed that lots of people were showing up to this place and it looked like a reception...Emil just said to not worry about it cause we'd be in and leave before anyone knew. The sign in front said it was a Mansion built in 1899. I'm intrigued my older homes, and just kept looking around..then Emil was no longer in front of me. So as I was trying to catch up I saw him enter a room and as I got closer this is what I saw...


Turns out, it's this beautiful Bed & Breakfast, and holds other events, called the Rider Mansion.

They made and brought us breakfast in the morning...

We took a walk around in the morning...

We got back from a trip from Yellowstone last week and really had a great time with our friends. Here's a peek...

On the way home I got pulled over for speeding...we were SO nervous! Basically, b/c of my speeding in the past and an accident our car insurance would've DROPPED if we got another ticket. Emil and I were prayin' hard...the cop was cool but still left me not knowing what he was going to do. He did the ticket electronically so didn't know what to expect. He said that we would need to call to find out how much it would cost. I HATE getting pulled over so I was all shook up cause I thought our car insurance days were OVER! Well...we found out there is was NO ticket issued!!! We called and it was only a warning...YAY!!!

School is going well, but our lives are even more busy than before and we don't see each other much. We are excited for our future! I want to have an education and it's going to be a very good thing for us. I don't know when I will have time to update this thing-ama-jig but I'll do what I can. Ciao for now!

It's offical...

This is how I feel a bit...

...because I'm going back to school! Basically, it's the right thing for us right now. I have NO IDEA how it'll work out. I sure didn't come up with the idea by myself, so I know it must be one of those things you just do on faith.

I will be studying Nursing, but have prerequisites to finish first. So I'm taking things gently for now, doing night classes, but...

...I also feel a bit of this...

...cause I am NOT one to excel at academics...! Can I really do this?!?!? I sure hope so!

Just a little of what we did yesterday...

We definitely are NOT professing to be good at singing...by ANY means. But we sang for Naimah and know this song to be true.

2 years ago...

Well, here it is again. That day that I remember holding you while your breathing was shallow. Being there when you passed to Heaven. I remember the few days before. Being with you and Kingston at Home Depot. You both "got fussy" so I put him in your car seat and you LOVED it. You both calmed down and fell asleep.


I remember the JOY I felt to be a mommy! To be YOUR mommy. I was just ELATED!! That same day I found you in bed...and something was VERY wrong. I was hysterical. Your loving daddy brought you back but you needed to be on life support...we soon were told that you would need to stay on life support to live. We had a feeling before they told us that you were ready. Ready for that next step. That you were already "gone" in a way...Those days seemed like an ETERNITY. We weren't ready. We wept and wept...

...we sang primary songs...popcorn popping, and nursery rhythms...we sang for hours...and gave kisses....LOTS of kisses...

...and we knew what we needed to do, but it was SO painful. When the tubes were gone you kept breathing on your own...for hours and hours. MANY of your family members..Even your auntie living in Tel Aviv came!! They all made it just in time...we wonder if you hung on for them. You Naimah, who we learned more about during those three days than we EVER thought possible, our Angel. You breathed on your own for 12 hours...and we watched. Knowing we could breath for you but that it was NOT what you needed. It was what we wanted. Having to watch you leave...listening to the machines anxiously...knowing it could be any moment now. Moments of weeping mixed with this...

PEACE. Peace that it was the plan for you; for us. Peace that we WILL reunite.

So today we remember those moments and long for more.

One of your Auntie's did something VERY sweet and gracious for you today...


she wrote your name in the sand. This tribute means a GREAT DEAL to us. Another one of your Auntie's had a star named after you for Christmas 2007. That was another gracious gift. We've had many, many acts of love and grace since you've gone. Many others, who haven't even been able to meet you, visit your little grave. You've touched so many lives.
I want to touch your little hands, feet, hair...to bathe you and watch you grow. To watch you get teeth, crawl, and figure out what things feel like. To look at me in a puzzled way when you taste new things. I want to hear you cry in the night again...that was one of the hardest things to get use to...no noise at night. No little voice needing a diaper change or food...

I simply love and miss you. Every day. I still cry. But I am SO happy with your daddy. I laugh EVERY DAY with him...oh how I love your daddy...he's been my best friend. He supports me and loves me. We share everything..including our memory of you. We are thankful for who we've become because of you. Thank you..we LOVE you!!!

~mommy & daddy...ur doggies...and kitty ;)~

Look what I did...

I have been cutting Moxy's and Kingston's hair for a year now. I think I'm not too bad...









Last weekend while we were at Raspberry Days in Bear Lake someone commented on Kingston's hair cut, which actually happens every time we have him with us some place. She liked it so much that we worked something out and I ended up doing the "King cut" on her Schnauzer. She liked it a lot...so maybe this will turn into a side biz. That'd be rad.

Idaho

For Pioneer Day weekend we went to Nampa Idaho to see my oldest brother Dan and his family. We had SOO much fun!! We went to Luck Peak Reservoir one of the days. The "fountain" of sorts is powered by the dam. We went under it and it gave us a brain freeze! Yowsers! We excited to visit them again. Luv you guys!

The Young's

I recently watched my sisters 7 kiddos and it really was fun! They are good kids and I'm glad I'm their Aunt.

Mother Nature

What do you think? Have a favorite? I think these are really amazing. I really love the earth and nature. I hope we can all take good care of her.