Happy Thanksgiving!

We have finals that are invading our house. Can't they just leave us alone!? Well, no. They can't. THE END.

Apparently, we will be having Thanksgiving on our own this year. But then we get to spend time with Emil's family Saturday and I really am looking forward to that! I also appreciate them doing Thanksgiving late for us, not a lot of families would do that so willingly. Thanks ya'll!! :)

We are busy, as most people are. We are doing the best we can, as most people do. But sometimes I think am capable of doing MORE. I am my own worst critic. But I'm right. I can do more. But I don't. I think I know what it is that will kick my laziness in the "top of my legs"...it's just the doing part. I have the desire..now I just need to use the tools I have!

Dear Emil, thank you. Thank you for raking, doing dishes, deep cleaning our hardwood floors, and spending most of your Saturday working on our house while I studied. It means so much that you are willing. Willing to forget what you want to do, and do what needs to be done. And that you love you me enough to put up with my...weakness. Sure love you. ~me

I am thankful for many things, even if I don't post it on my blog..*ehem*. But I will mention 2 things to keep it simple.

I am thankful for my little family: My angel. My husband. My dogs & cat. I really love them.
I am thankful the kind of person I am. I am weak but there's more too me because of this. All in all, I've accepted the fact that I'm not too bad after all is said and done.

I hope that I will give more thanks, and eat less food this Thanksgiving. So here's to hoping!

Yes I do!

I've been listening to Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid (Broadway versions) music. I've thoroughly enjoyed it. I mean, I've really had good fun with it! Music really does something soothing to my heart. Literally, it's physical just as much as it is inspirational. I enjoy singing along...oh YES I DO! As well as some dancing...bow-chi-ka-bow-OW...OH YES. Mind you that these dancing moves will NEVER be shown out loud. NEVER. So just forget all your dreams of watching my fabulous moves cause there ain't NONE where that came from!

Has music ever done that for you? I mean REALLY lifted your spirits, made you laugh, cry, and sing along with out you even knowing it? I'm thankful it's done that for me. I'm thankful I know a tinsy bit about how to love music and use the very small but not insignificant talents I've been given that relate to it.
I really enjoy the words around the word music in this art work, and must say that this picture is quite poetically done! So much meaning in it! YUM. One of my favorites is "Music, the beautiful disturber of air."

Sometimes when I listen, sing or dance to music I just feel like nothing can touch me. No one can hurt me. That I can do anything. It really takes me places and helps me appreciate more, and complain less. It makes me SO happy, even if I cry. Best part about music is it is never ending. There is always a new way to write it, play it, and jam with it. Wow, it's beautiful!

Tears

I miss Naimah a LOT today. I miss this...

I ache do to this again.

I would LOVE to see these two with each other..she sucked Emil's lip a lot haha!

The tears are just flowing today. I am home doing homework trying so hard to focus. But here I am.

I want to THANK YOU. ALL my wonderful friends and family, and passerbys, for your kind words and support. Each time I post about my baby girl, I get a comment or 7 ;) that really encourage me and lift me up. I feel so blessed! So incredibly blessed to have people around me that care and pray for me still!

You may already know this but, please keep in mind that my sorrow does NOT mean I have lost faith. I hope that you don't misunderstand these posts of pain and sorrow and think that I need to just get over it or that we should be ready for more children by now, or something like that. I hope that you know I am happy. I hope that you see I am LIVING. I'm putting this out there because I have been told this and many other hurtful things by those who care very much for me, but it does not help me. Maybe it helps others, but I am not among them. It makes me feel alone. It makes me feel that even those that love me very much have forgotten that I am a slow healer. I may not cry everyday as I did once, but my heart is the same heart that watched my first child die in my arms. It was more than very painful. It broke my heart. My heart is still mending, 2 years later. Because of my Faith in what life is yet to come, and my Redeemer, I also felt great joy that will last my whole life. I don't think I will ever stop writing about my little Naiya. Ever. I will always be remembering.

I also remember the Angel's near us at that time, AND since. The way it felt to be surrounded by them! It was immaculate. I know that a beautiful day will come. It seems far, but not so far. I do not dwell on that day, but I chose to live in each day as it is given to me. I look forward to that day as I make different choices now, waiting for something better later.

One of those choices happened on August 9th 2007. We were asked by the doctors to make the choice of leaving Naimah on or taking her off life support. Because of the circumstances there was little time to decide. We didn't want to make that choice. We just broke down and wept. Wept profusely. We couldn't think. We got on our knees and wept more. No words came. Finally we muttered a few things and got up from our knees. As we looked at each other, we both felt Naimah. We knew what it was she wanted. We didn't feel we could bare it, but we felt a simple smile from our baby...who now seemed to be the grown up. And we listened. Finding her in her little bed in the early hours the day before seemed so unreal, it still does. We just couldn't believe it but we did the best we could with what we had, and still do.

I will have many more tearful days. Tears for Naimah, tears for myself. Tears for friends, family, AND strangers. Tears that, I have EXPERIENCED, can ONLY be wiped away by the very hand that was pierced for me. For all of us.

Happy Halloween...

I was a biker chic for my work Halloween Party...

We trimed Emil's hair and this is what happened...

Emil Karaoke-rockin'-it with our friends tonight!

We are PUNKS.

In another life, I might just look like this...

We had fun! Now for wiping off ALL our make-up and getting comfortable! :)