I remember the JOY I felt to be a mommy! To be YOUR mommy. I was just ELATED!! That same day I found you in bed...and something was VERY wrong. I was hysterical. Your loving daddy brought you back but you needed to be on life support...we soon were told that you would need to stay on life support to live. We had a feeling before they told us that you were ready. Ready for that next step. That you were already "gone" in a way...Those days seemed like an ETERNITY. We weren't ready. We wept and wept...
...we sang primary songs...popcorn popping, and nursery rhythms...we sang for hours...and gave kisses....LOTS of kisses...
...and we knew what we needed to do, but it was SO painful. When the tubes were gone you kept breathing on your own...for hours and hours. MANY of your family members..Even your auntie living in Tel Aviv came!! They all made it just in time...we wonder if you hung on for them. You Naimah, who we learned more about during those three days than we EVER thought possible, our Angel. You breathed on your own for 12 hours...and we watched. Knowing we could breath for you but that it was NOT what you needed. It was what we wanted. Having to watch you leave...listening to the machines anxiously...knowing it could be any moment now. Moments of weeping mixed with this...
PEACE. Peace that it was the plan for you; for us. Peace that we WILL reunite.
So today we remember those moments and long for more.
One of your Auntie's did something VERY sweet and gracious for you today...
she wrote your name in the sand. This tribute means a GREAT DEAL to us. Another one of your Auntie's had a star named after you for Christmas 2007. That was another gracious gift. We've had many, many acts of love and grace since you've gone. Many others, who haven't even been able to meet you, visit your little grave. You've touched so many lives.
I want to touch your little hands, feet, hair...to bathe you and watch you grow. To watch you get teeth, crawl, and figure out what things feel like. To look at me in a puzzled way when you taste new things. I want to hear you cry in the night again...that was one of the hardest things to get use to...no noise at night. No little voice needing a diaper change or food...
I simply love and miss you. Every day. I still cry. But I am SO happy with your daddy. I laugh EVERY DAY with him...oh how I love your daddy...he's been my best friend. He supports me and loves me. We share everything..including our memory of you. We are thankful for who we've become because of you. Thank you..we LOVE you!!!
~mommy & daddy...ur doggies...and kitty ;)~
9 comments:
Dearest friends,
Oh how we love you. I am so speechless. I have so many thoughts... But much too personal and sacred to put here. You are incredibly strong. My heart aches for you. I wish there was some way to make things all better.
God bless you both. Truly.
I am so sorry for your loss but grateful that we have the gospel in our lives. I think it is such a great feeling knowing that we can be with our family forever with the gospel. One of the many great gifts Heavenly Father has given to us. Although we miss the ones we love so much, it is a peaceful feeling knowing that we will see them again. I love you guys!
You are AMAZING parents! Naimah is so proud to have you I am sure! Thank You for sharing her life and your life with us we are so blessed to know you! What a beautiful family you are!
You are amazing... I don't know if I could do what you are doing! I'm thinking of you!
You are so incredible! You always have me sobbing in these posts! Love you!
Caroline, that was absolutely beautiful. My teary eyes and aching heart agree with your spirit. You and Emil are so incredible.
You wrote a perfectly amazing blog. Your wording is truth.
All my love,
Addy
I am so sorry for the loss of your little baby girl. She is ADORABLE. You had me in tears for quite sometime during and after reading your blog. I look up to your strength. Your amazing.
I so wish I could "fix it" or make it better for you both. My heart aches continually as I ponder those special days we spent with her which turned to horror; the day after her birth at the hospital, the few days we came to help take care of her, her first outing to happy valley, the weekend of her blessing, the actually blessing day, the panic phone call at 12am, the two days that turned into eternity and the rest of the week was a blur until the 16th.
Please know there are others aching with you and love you.
I can't even begin to imagine the tip of your emotional iceberg, but I've really ached for her and you guys a lot lately. Anne and I visited her grave on the 10th. What really got me down was two days later there was some sort of event at the Mountain View stadium and they played Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
I'm so proud of both of you. You're my heroes for the way you've pulled through everything together. I can't wait to see you raise Naimah during the Millennium. Everybody love you. Especially me. :P
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