Great Loss...

The moment captured here is one of healing. Mercydez connected parts of my heart that I thought would always hurt because of the loss of Naimah. But my loss was Heaven's gain. Now Heaven has finally gained Mercydez and it is a great loss and heart ache for Ashley, Nic, Addy, Travis...and their whole family.



Mercydez was the reason I returned to Primary Children's on the 6 month anniversary (exactly) of Naimah's passing. My heart has healed because of my Savior. And He blessed me so that I could be a part of Mercydez's life. Since holding her, my fear of babies has lessened GREATLY. She is the first little one I've held since Naimah's passing. I still am working on getting to the point where I can hold a baby under the age of 4 months, but I will one day :). She didn't say a word, but I was changed.



I will miss her! I am greatly effected by this incredible life and devastating loss..my eyes are still burning from tears...



Our smiles here are genuine. We have the truth. Our daughters are ALIVE. They will be reunited with us IF we do our part. Our daughters have connected us in a way that man cannot break. We have the Truth. What a blessing. We will keep going, and endure it well. We will be "better not bitter".

I love you Ashely, Nic..Addy & Travis.. What a great loss, Emil and I know too well. My eyes burn from tears because I sincerely care. They burn for sorrow and joy. It's amazing how you can feel such intense sorrow and joy all at once! Thank you for being a beautiful example to Emil and I. You are TRUE friends to us.

I know The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints is here again on the earth, as it was in the days of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. I know that Christ LIVES and watches us always. I know that the Prophet Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. Joseph Smith's name is both good and evil spoken of because of his courage to stay True. I know that the sacredness of the Temple is real and that families REALLY CAN be together FOREVER in that Celestial place. I know President Thomas S. Monson is a TRUE and LIVING Prophet on earth today. How blessed I am to know these simple truths. I am thankful to have a husband who does too. I am thankful I am not alone and that many who will read this feel this knowledge as well. I end it simply in the name of JESUS CHRIST, Amen.

Happy Birthday!!!! LOVE YOU!!!

Today is Emil's Birthday!! I'm grateful he was born and is an IMPORTANT part of my life. What a blessing it has been to know him for SO long, and to feel as though our marriage has been so seasoned in just 2 1/2 years. I love you...so much I can barely talk or breath without crying. I care about your views, thoughts, ideas, and guidance. I want to be more like you. You are my best friend, my love, and the half of me that I can't do without. I'm thankful that we decided to have children right away and I KNOW we wouldn't change it for the world...even though or world is SO incredibly different because of it. Our lives certainly haven't been what we planned, but I'm HAPPY to be doing it with YOU. (We've learned better than to expect plans to really go the way we want, and that has "growed" us up fast. =) I wouldn't want my life any other way. It's fun to talk to you 20 times a day, while we are working and such! And you never get bothered! YAY! I can never get enough of you! AND...your HOT! ;) I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know there are 66 pictures here, but it was so fun to remember good times w/ Emil!

Morning Elegance

We are alive and well. :) Just wanted to post this coolade vid from youtube.



My friend posted this on her blog and I'm copying..hope that's cool Rachel! :) This is Neato burrito with crazy sauce on top...just watch it!

Feeling Thankful

My whole life is different because of my daughter.



Sometimes, being a Mommy for me feels unreal. But I have my Savior and Father in Heaven to thank for the privilege. Because even though I don't have the car seat, diaper bag, and nursery to prove I am a Mommy, I did once. And that's more than many people get in they're lives.



She's always watching Emil and I. We are still close. We "chat", she makes me laugh still, and that is really fun! I'm smiling just thinking about it! Believe or believe it, she likes animals just like Emil and I do!



Emil ADORES Naimah, and she is so much like him. Look at how perfect they are!! He spent hours up at night with her, they danced, he sang, and she LOVED it! He even had his own way of calming her down, which if I tried she didn't like..haha! It was something only Daddy could do. How funny!



And how can I forget KINGSTON!? I was SO sad on Sunday. Just sobbing most of the day missing my baby girl..and there Kingston was, right next to me. As always. (Hoku cares too..but doesn't really get it, haha!) He was staring at me, and sniffing my salty tears. He just kept looking at me and then came close, to snuggle. I LOVE HIM! I know that he was sent to us. He was always a good doggy to Naimah. Never too rough, and they snuggled a lot. She still has something special with him.



Our kiss good-bye, will only be held in this picture while she serves her "mission". But then we will have her just the way we left each other, IF we can serve our missions well.



I'm feeling thankful in the way I was comforted in my tears on Sunday. This is my life though. I will always cry and ache for her. But I will always be grateful too. "Why do I share this", you may ask? Because she IS our life. She has become something I never would've known w/o her death. Even though it has broken my heart, it is continually mending for the same reason. I don't understand it either, but I don't have to, because I know it. "How do I even know this", you may wonder? That is for me to know, and you to wonder. She is more than doing well; she's doing PERFECT.